Unlock Your Happiness Series
Interviewing experts in their field to find out from them what makes them happy. The podcast will be multi faceted talking about their personal and professional life and the journey they have taken whilst underpinning hot they have created happiness from within.
Sharing tips, techniques and tools to help each listener Unlock Their Happiness.
Unlock Your Happiness Series
Episode 14: Courage to Connect, Facing Fears & Embracing Vulnerability
Ever felt held back by the fear of taking that first step towards connection? In our latest episode, I, Jenny Williams, share how breaking out of my comfort zone to start this podcast became a pivotal moment in my life. Join me as I recount personal stories of bravery, like choosing the front row at events, and explore how these small acts of courage can spark profound personal growth. We dive into recognizing our shared human commonality and the universal insecurities we all face. Discover how taking initiative and truly being present in each moment can not only boost your confidence but also forge deeper, more authentic relationships.
Navigating today's world of dating apps and instant gratification, we face new barriers to genuine human connection. Together, we'll explore the challenges posed by these modern conveniences, and I’ll share a transformative retreat experience that showcased the power of vulnerability and openness. As we embrace the courage to connect, we cultivate a rich sense of community and belonging, inspiring others by example. Tune in to learn how investing in these connections can lead to a more meaningful, fulfilling life journey.
Jenny Williams
Consultant for Calm- Helping You Find Calm in the Chaos
Founder of The Calm Collective & The Calm Connected.Host of the Unlock Your Happiness Series Podcast. Based in Kent, London & the South East, bringing women together through meaningful conversations and soulful networking. Mum, Wife & Freelancer: I’m navigating the chaos just like you, while learning to embrace the calm along the way.
Let’s connect, collaborate & create more space for YOU.
You can find me here: www.jennywilliamsconsulting.com
Instagram: @jennywilliams_consulting
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If you would like to be a guest on the podcast please go to the website and apply online.
Sending Love & Stay Happy x
Hello and welcome to Unlock your Happiness series. I'm Jenny Williams and today you have a solo episode with me and we're going to be talking about courage to connect. So I'm going to give you some stories, some tools, tips, techniques hopefully relatable kind of feelings that you guys are feeling and talk it through. Really, I think it's really important to for you to see my vulnerabilities, but also for me to share my stories with you too and to explain how we are all the same and how we can all move forward once we know and once awareness is there and once we kind of get the courage to move forward. So the reason I wanted to talk about the courage to connect is it seems really hard to connect in general and there's a lot of things that stop us from connecting. Or we think that we're connecting with people, but it's virtually, and I just thought it was really important to talk about how I really wanted to connect with more people and build my village and my tribe, and I had to build up this courage to be able to do it. So one of the main things for me was obviously the podcast. So I've had the podcast on my vision board for well over two years or more, and I just always told myself I don't know how to do it. I'm not sure what the like the techie side of it, like how do I record and what do I say and how do I upload it and how do I get it on all the platforms, and I'm not clever enough to do that and all that type of stuff. But I knew deep down this it was something that I wanted to do, and when I am recording and when I'm meeting new people and we're doing the interviews with women, it kind of really lights me up because I'm like, oh my God, I'm connecting with this new person that I've never known before, I don't know their story, they go in depth and they get really vulnerable with me and I am so glad that I pushed the procrastination if I can get the actual word out away and I finally went forward with it, because my connection now is very much through the podcast, through networking, through meeting people.
Speaker 1:But it took a lot of courage to create a podcast. I think we look at other people and they go oh my God, wow, they've got a podcast and it's a cool thing to do and I absolutely love doing it. But now I'm on the other side. I realise it's not as bad as I thought, whereas before that point I was like I could never do a podcast. I'm not really sure what I'd say or how I'd connect with people or whether people would want to listen to me, all of that type of stuff and I really put it off and I didn't learn and I didn't have the courage to do it.
Speaker 1:And the reason I wanted to talk about the courage to connect is because when we do connect and when we do build up that courage to connect with more people, our life does completely change. And I wanted to talk about how a lot of the time we sit at the back of the room or we go to an event and we wait for someone to talk to us or we shy away and we let our light dim and we just kind of become a lesser version of ourselves. So when you are at events or when you are at a work meeting or even like just a normal team meeting that you're at, some of the tips I would recommend that would enhance your courage and enhance your confidence, because really confidence comes from the courage that you take to connect, to grow, to progress. All of that stuff comes a lot from the confidence that you find. So when you are at these events or meetings, the things I would really suggest which feels so, so uncomfortable you really don't want to do it, but I promise you it pushes you forward and you get really proud of yourself is always sit at the front of the room.
Speaker 1:If it's kind of like a theater style event where you're listening to people talking, the closest you can get to the front the better, because you're then in the mix. You're then connecting with people physically with their eye contact. There You're listening to the people that are talking in front. You're not distracted by everything that's going on in front of you, because people's heads are moving and changing and people are talking and all that type of stuff, and it enables you to be a bit more present. I believe so when you're at an event and you're sitting at the front row or as close to the front as you possibly can, you're so much more present. You then connect with the person that's speaking much more tightly, and it feels uncomfortable because we all want to sit at the back, but being at the front or as close to the front as you can really will enhance your courage to then, when you maybe have a networking next section after the speaking event, you're then able to talk to them, because they've probably given you eye contact throughout the talk or you were so present listening to them that you're able to engage in the kind of points and values that they're giving throughout their talk, and it just enables you to connect with the kind of points and values that they're giving throughout their talk and it just enables you to connect with the kind of motivated people at the front as well.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we hide at the back because then we don't get seen, whereas really, if you're sitting at the front and you're at the front, really present, that's when you're going to connect with the people that are the most motivated and the most kind of forthcoming. And I guarantee you even though I'd recommend going first in general I'll guarantee you you'll then connect with people. You'll then be talking to people that you've never met before, right next to you, or you will be confident enough to start a conversation yourself. Even you know what it's like when you go to events and you don't really know anyone. They kind of let you make a little joke about yourself, or oh, was you late as well? Or how's the weather Isn't it great? Oh God, it's grim outside. You know that classic kind of stale first conversation. I would always recommend going first.
Speaker 1:Now, it is uncomfortable, nobody, everyone kind of. It's like a classic kind of classroom syndrome of the teacher asks who's going to go first and if one kind of looks at the paper and hopes, no one gives them eye contact and it's always the one that gives the eye contact that gets chosen and all that jazz. But going first means that you put yourself forward first and then you help lead others to be vulnerable, and themselves as well. You've got to remember most people that are at networking events or that are in physical person scenarios. Nobody wants to go first, but everyone is probably in the same boat, where they're like I've come to this event on my own and I don't really know anyone and there's a group over there that seem to know each other, so they're all clicking and having a wonderful time and I'm just sitting here or standing here, not really having a conversation and standing, and you almost start to get more awkward. You start to kind of shy within yourself even more and I'm sure we can all remember someone that's come up to us and gone oh hi, how are you? And then you start a conversation and then everything starts to lift, doesn't it? You start to relax a bit more and you start to chat. Just imagine how you could make somebody else feel by going first or by asking them a question or just making them feel comfortable, so that then they become in an environment where they're comfortable as well. So, always try and sit the front, always try and go first.
Speaker 1:If you can Remember, they are just the same as you, like most people are. Well, we're all humans. We're all humans with different dynamics and different values and different goals and different kind of aims of what gives us happiness, but we're all the same trying to progress our own selves, to move forward or to connect, or to grow, or to be create friends or to help someone in their industry. We're all there on the same level playing field. Yes, people might be further ahead. Yes, people might be more confident than you. Yes, there's probably going to be people less confident than you, but we're all there. We're all humans that are just wanting to learn, grow and progress.
Speaker 1:So just remember that sometimes we overthink it. We kind of go oh, I can't talk to them because they're really well known, or I can't talk to them because they're millionaires or whatever it is and they're the ones that spoke on the stage. I can't possibly go and talk to them. And then we kind of shy away from having a conversation to another human being who is just the same as us, that has just a different level of insecurities and just has a different level of experience. Most of the time, people that have progressed further ahead of us, or people have experienced it more, pushed themselves out of their comfort zone more and progressed forward. I'm really sorry. I'm recording from home today and I can hear the dogs barking in the background, which is really frustrating. I really hope it's not coming through on the podcast, but I'm going to carry on. As always, things and hurdles coming our way. I knew this would happen, but we are here and I'm recording and it's absolutely fine.
Speaker 1:One of the things I'd mention about kind of having the courage and connections and confidence is stop worrying about what other people think, stop overanalyzing yourself, stop thinking, oh, I've not dressed right compared to everyone else, or I'm not as confident as everyone else. So you start to then become a lesser version of yourself because you're worrying about what other people think In the real world and in general, there's people that we align with and there's people that we don't, and that's all right. It doesn't mean that you like hate, slag them off, moan about them, bitch about them, whatever. You're just not the same people and that's all right, because you're probably not going to work together, they're probably not going to give you any money for your business or whatever it is. If whatever you're selling or what your offer is, and they're just not aligned with you, and that's 100% all right.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes we spend so much time worrying about what other people think, but actually we don't want their lives anyway. Or if we do, maybe we're steering in the wrong direction if that's what they become, you know. So stop worrying about what others think of you. Once you start to pack that away and kind of just worry about yourself and worry about how you feel and worry about your progress, the worry dwindles away and your confidence will come through because you are who you are. At the end of the day, I am who I am. You are who you are and we can be people that progress in our own rights, as long as we're working on ourselves and our internal dialogue. Of course, there's things that I want to do to help me feel more confident. But I can only do one thing at a time and you're the same. So there's no point in worrying about what other people think, because actually, all we can only ever do is control ourselves, control what we're doing and work on ourselves. And if we're not happy with ourselves, all we have to do is start making that step forward, to progress it.
Speaker 1:You can't be like, oh, I'm not like that person over there, but you're not that person over there anyway. They've probably had their own traumas, they probably had their own stories, they probably had their own experience. We're all just completely different, so they're probably worrying about you as well. Do you know what I mean? Everyone worries about what other people think and really, in the crux of things, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're a kind person, that you help others, that you look after other people. You look after yourself. You're just a genuine kind person. That's authentically you and the people that want to be around you will be, and the people that don't won't. And it doesn't mean that they hate you. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It just means that you're just not aligned and you're not the right people for each other and that's fine. There really is no drama with that.
Speaker 1:So the sooner you can take that away, the quicker the courage comes. And once you've done this a couple of times, been at the front a couple of times, once you've started the conversation a couple of times, you'll then have this courage to connect and you'll feel important. You'll feel like you're really making a difference to somebody else because you can see that they're in the position that you used to be. They used to be that person that would turn up at a networking and go oh my God, I've got to talk in front of people and I really don't feel comfortable with that. You can help them get over that fear, help them become confident and help them almost replicate and ripple out what you're doing anyway. So as soon as you start talking, other people want to start engaging, other people want to enjoy it as well and you can really have an impact. Once you build that confidence and courage, the connection then grows and then you want to be around more people. Then your confidence around other people grows as well.
Speaker 1:So just have the courage to take the action and to move it forward and I promise you it'll be worth all the awkwardness, all the uncomfortable feeling that you get and that squirminess inside when you're like, oh God, I really don't want to do this. You get used to that feeling. And then there'll be another thing that you'll get uncomfortable with. Someone might ask you to talk and you go, hang on a minute. I know I'm at the front but I don't want to talk now. Then you get over that uncomfortableness and stuff. So it's just a constant growth, constant progress and just getting that courage to do it, to take action, to go. Do you know what? I'm going to sit at the front today? Do I'm going to sit at the front today? Do you know what I'm going to speak to that lady? Because she looks like she's come on her own. And that feeling that you give to other people they'll remember forever and it helps them adapt and change too.
Speaker 1:Some of the things with connections nowadays is the fact that it's so easy to disconnect. Everything is so convenient. Now Everything is in the palm of our hands and we had that awful couple of years of lockdown which meant that we almost become inept to be able to connect. We got so insular, we got so stuck indoors, we got so stuck in our own ways that we enhanced the ability of using the phone. We use that for everything now and we lose connection.
Speaker 1:But as humans we absolutely need connection in our lives. We need to be around people, we need to have communities, we need to have friends and people to talk to, and just to be around people is huge for us as human beings. So we've had the COVID, we've had social media, which loves to tell us how crap we are. When you like to watch it, isn't it? You instantly go into comparison mode. You instantly kind of think everyone else has got a better life than you and that doesn't help with your mental health issues or how you feel about yourself, the internal dialogue that you're talking to yourself about. So we've lost connection that way. We kind of only talk on social media or oh, well done, that's great. We kind of can share, and that's the good thing. Sometimes when we're sharing on Instagram the stuff that's going on, good and bad, you create connection that way and that can enhance a connection. But it also can help you disconnect because you start to go insular again on yourself.
Speaker 1:There seems to be less and less face to face things to do, not to do, but you know, like if you want to have a team meeting, the odds are it's probably going to be on a Zoom call, because everyone as much as there's a brilliant benefit that you can spread wider by having online calls and stuff and you can work from home and all that. These are all good benefits. When you have less face-to-face contact, you lack and you lose connections and sometimes that office environment is sometimes what we need to help us feel connection, to move forward. Something to say how are you doing? How was your weekend? What did you get up to? Sometimes you want to talk about it, sometimes you don't, but at least you're in an area where there's connection and there's conversation and there's kind of movement of you using your brain and you sharing something. Normally, once you've shared something whether you're journaling it or sharing it verbally you get people's opinions or you get to chat to someone or you get to just get it out of your brain and out to the world. That feels so much better and so much more empowering. I suppose you let it go. That connection is so key. So less face-to-face has kind of impacted on that. So the more we can get face-to-face, the more connected we get, the more courage we have to connect and the less awkward it feels.
Speaker 1:I was talking to some girls that I'd done a trek with previously about dating and how difficult it is nowadays because of the lack of connection. I suppose back in the day our parents would have met because they're from the local area, they went to school together, they might have family friends that are all connected. They met in the pub, all that type of stuff. And now everything's available on the phone. You can see a thousand people that might be interested in you or all these random people, and then what happens is we actually lose our ability to connect because we're going no, their hair doesn't look nice. No, they're too tall. No, they've not got a good enough job. No, they live in the wrong area, all of this stuff that we then go no, disconnect from them, they're no good, but you never actually know. You might have met them randomly on a walk. One day you think, oh my God, there's my soulmate.
Speaker 1:But we don't have that because we don't give people a chance, because it's so easy to just swipe left or swipe right I'm not sure which one it is, because I'm not on the dating apps myself but it is so hard to connect, especially from a relationship point of view, and when you kind of build the courage to go up to someone in the fear of potentially getting rejection which is scary, right? Nobody wants to be rejected it doesn't ever mean anything about you, it's only ever about that. It's just not aligned. So always think about that if you are building the courage to approach a male or female that you want to speak to. It's just so difficult to connect with them, isn't it? It's so difficult unless you kind of build that courage to just kind of go oh hi, how are you? Oh, and then it works out and it doesn't. You never know. But if you never ask or you never speak to someone, you'll never know.
Speaker 1:So dating has made it hard to connect and I'm sad for the people that are on the dating apps and stuff, because it is so hard for you to not feel like you're comparing yourself to everyone else that's posting on there and it can feel like you're constantly in a vicious cycle of kind of vanity instead of connection. So the more you can do where you're physically talking to people and stuff, like life happens and things happen when you're a little bit more confident in talking and a little bit more confident in moving forward. So try and connect as much as you can or do. I don't know if there is dating things now where you go to a physical place and see how it goes, but try and do more of that if you are dating or a bit of both, you know, or get the kind of confidence to go on a date and see how it goes, because it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out. No one's putting a gun against your head and saying it has to work. You just have to go, know what you like. Hopefully it defines what you are looking for and then you connect with the right people.
Speaker 1:Other stuff that stopped us from connecting is obviously everything's inconvenient now, isn't it? Isn't it deliveries? Uh, we've got everything coming to our door, no matter what it is. Even coffees nowadays come to our door. So it stops us. It doesn't stop us, but it means that we have no reason to go out the house. So try and do less convenience because you're not going to pay the same whether you go out or not, for you take.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's much difference if you take away or if you stay in and just think of that connection and community like conversation you're going to have by meeting up and having that conversation instead of um just going oh yeah, deliver it to my door, sit in front of the telly, then get frustrated with myself because I've not spoken to anyone all weekend. You know, try and get out and meet with friends and take that step of getting out of the house and pushing forward if you can. Again, you go out for a meal with your mates. You never know who you might meet in there. You never know who's going to be great for your network. You never know who's going to be the next business partner. That you didn't know. But unless you're there you could never be sure. All the time you're in your comfort zone in your house, not really pushing forward anything, you lose connection, you lose confidence and then you get frustrated with yourself.
Speaker 1:So just be aware that when there's options to connect, try and do it as much as you possibly can. We all are and this is the thing sometimes. We all still have all of our ancestry in us. We all want to be part of a village. We all want to be part of a village. We all want to be part of a tribe. We all want to help each other. I think sometimes now we've just as everything's evolved so quickly we've lost that connection and new people can come in the tribe and new people can be connected with. It's just allowing people in and allowing people, and sometimes we have to have the courage to allow people in, not just expecting everyone to let us in, um, so just being mindful of that. But once you've got that courage you'll honestly feel such a world of difference like.
Speaker 1:So, talking about that courage to talk so recently recently I've been on a last weekend I went on a retreat with the wonderful Jade Alana and that was kind of super uncomfortable but probably the best experience I've. I had to be super vulnerable. I had to. It created tears, it created exposure, it created vulnerability. I felt awkward doing it at the time and then, once I was open and I was courageous to talk about it, you wouldn't realize how uplifting it was. It's completely changed my perception of myself. My inner work has started to improve. The peace within me has changed. I kind of went there with this big emotional bubble inside me. I could just feel it. I remember my first conversation was like I could just feel like there's this emotional wave inside me that needs to come out and Jade worked her wonderful work with all of the team of people that were there, and it was amazing. It was a brilliant, brilliant experience and it's one of those things that you kind of go. I could have quite easily have not gone. I didn't really have the money to go. To be honest, I really I had to invest in myself and the investing in myself made all the difference. So, again, it's easier to not go and connect. It was easier for me to not go to connect, but I did.
Speaker 1:I met six other women that have the most wonderful kind of aura about them. They were open to such fun. They shared their stories, they shared their traumas. I cried for them, I cried with them, I cried myself about my stuff and the connection that we had in just two days is insane. I want to be able to see how their journey goes. I want to be there and help them along the way, if I can, or just be there to listen to how they're getting on, because they're all wonderful human beings and I had this courage to go, courage to be vulnerable and share, and that, in turn, helped other people.
Speaker 1:The first women's circle that we'd done, which was like an introduction and a bit of a talk about ourselves. Of course, who was first? Yes, it was me. I kind of went first one because there was someone else that wasn't ready and I knew how uncomfortable it is to go first, so I went first, started off with the tears once I started chatting and hopefully that then allowed other people to kind of go oh god, she's crying, she's sharing some quite deep stuff and then everyone else hopefully felt a little bit more at ease that they could do it as well and it was such beautiful conversations and such. It was kind of awful but awesome at the same time, because so so many people go through so much trauma and life experiences but they were willing to reconnect to themselves. They were willing and they had the courage to come and connect with all of these other people that they had no idea who they were and it was just a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:So if you are looking at stuff like that retreats or women's circles or something where you think you know what I'd really like to do that, but I just I don't know anyone that's going to go or no one will come with me, once you start going to these things, once you start to create connections, you start to create new friends, but you start to believe in yourself Like I love doing stuff on my own. I know that sounds a bit weird for some people, but I love it. I love going. I loved going to the retreat. I was nervous at first, uncomfortable, all of those other feelings, but I love investing in myself. I love pushing myself a bit further, trekking the peak district for 26 miles. It's not something that you do on a regular, but I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and my mindset completely changes.
Speaker 1:So when you do get that courage to connect, you get that courage within you to be around new people, to push yourself out the comfort zone, to connect with more people, you will be surprised how much you change. But you'll be surprised how much your environment changes, the people around you changes. Everything changes when you connect and grow. Now don't get me wrong. You've probably seen stuff where it's like people come into your life for a. What is it? What do they say? Like a day, a season, a day, a week, a season or a year or forever? Not all the people that you meet and connections along the way are going to be there. You're not going to build them up and you're going to have loads of stacks of them. People come and go, and that's the flow of life. Is that people come and go, as they're meant to and as it should be, because the universe has your back right. But if you're not allowing yourself to connect and flow, it's never going to grow and you'll then start to become insular, you'll start to lose confidence, your courage disappears, you don't go out, you don't network, you don't speak to people. It all starts to change again on the other way around.
Speaker 1:So hopefully I've kind of gone into detail but with my stories, with kind of building this courage, hopefully it gives you that little bit of like yeah, I need to go out and do something now. Or yeah, I should say yes to my friends to go for that meal instead of sitting indoors with takeaway on my own. Or I'm going to go out and do something now. Or, yeah, I should say yes to my friends to go for that meal instead of sitting indoors with takeaway on my own. Or I'm going to go and book that networking event because I must generate new contacts. I need to go and support my friend who's doing an event or doing something that I'd love to be there for her, and then you never know who you'll meet there as well.
Speaker 1:So try and do rip off the plaster. If you can do those tips straight away, the quicker the better, because the more uncomfortable it is, the better you get used to it really quickly. However, baby steps if you feel like it, just sitting at the front of that speech, you know, just getting used to it and getting yourself uncomfortable but having that courage to be able to do it, I promise you will change your connections in your life. So I really hope that's added a bit of value and I would love to get your feedback. Love to hear how you're getting on with building your courage and how you connect with others, because we all can learn from each other and we're all here to progress and grow, as I've said already and yeah, I'll see you on the next episode. So thank you for being here, thank you for listening, send in love and stay happy.